I'm ready for my close up Mr. De Mille.

"You've got five minutes to get ready to go to the pictures." said I to my eldest daughter over the phone as my youngest daughter and I drove at breakneck speed home from school on a mission.
I think she spent 30 seconds on the clothes and the rest on perfume and the make up was going on thick as I arrived.
Can anyone explain to me exactly why you need make up in order to sit in the dark for two hours? I mean it's dark and nobody can see you. Go figure.
On my first date with my wife (first time round) I should have known that I was in trouble because at the time when I arrived to pick her up she was just going IN for her bath!  I know that some things are worth waiting for but......( yes you still are dear but) ......I should have taken that as a warning.
Hair and make up and clothes are things that stop women from being spontaneous.

Heck, I've gone to the paper shop on a Sunday morning in my pyjamas. What was the point in changing as once I had cooked the bacon I was going back up to bed with a buttie and a coffee to read the Sunday papers?
I want to get up and go out when the fancy takes me and not have to worry about which of my handbags, jackets or coats I may have left my purse/phone/car keys in.

Then again there are many differences between the genders which formed part of my discussion on BODMAS or order of operations to my year 7 class today. "A £1 calculator is like a bloke and a scientific calculator is like a woman" I said to my class of 11 year olds. The £1 calculator is brilliant at doing one simple sum and does it right every time....except when you ask it to do two  things at once such as 2+3 x7 then it falls to pieces.

The scientific calculator is female, excellent at multitasking and 95 % of its functions are fascinating but you'll never find out exactly what they do. (Blokes don't know hitch buttons to press anyway but that's not in the year 7 speech.)