The art of being inventive.

Saw a wonderful photo in a tweet from Zachary Levi, Chuck from the old TV series showing someone cooking bacon inside a pancake.

How wonderfully inventive I thought and so on Saturday morning....

Out came my little frying pan and off I went.

My pancakes, which are reaching almost pizza sized proportion and reaching almost legendary status in the household.

Guaranteed to feed a sleeping Bear or get a wife doing a good "Oliver" impersonation.

Just remember to fry that bacon first kids otherwise the salmonella police will pay you a visit.

To celebrate, I had to go out and invest in a bottle of maple syrup.

Sheena looked at her dry pancake with an air of suspicion as they are usually smothered in chocolate....didn't think it would compliment the bacon.

Looking forward to the next weekend and an excuse to repeat the performance.

 

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Chelsea 3-0 Stoke

Roger, my bestie and other half of The greatest Doric Bromance the Granite City gas ever seen, (even though I'm from Dundee) was in town so a trip to the bridge was called for.

Excellent product placement as the light gleams off his exquisite watch in front of his mighty fine Chelsea top.

Seats in the corner of the Matthew Harding stand. so close that when Super Frankie Lampard took a corner, we could have almost touched him....almost had it not been for the barrage of hi-vis wearing guards nearby.

The Black Eyed Pea himself, had won a throw in and was waiting for "Dave" Azpilicueta to take the throw in.

Will-I-an then celebrated with Super Frank as he put his penalty rebound into the net.

It was a great day. Three goals, three points and then back to the hotel for a quick change and a trip out to the Shakespeare pub for dinner.

Thanks Rog.

 

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Chicken check in!

It's that time of year again.

Having reluctantly send my two cockrels homeward tae think again.....no, not that......back to where we bought them as day old chicks, their parting gift was to fertilise some eggs for my broody bantams to sit on.

Adele went down first with mother-itis and was shortly joined by Cheryl who shared the nesting in a young-yang kind of position.

I was taken by surprise when I heard cheeps coming from under a bundle of feathers to ging three non identical triplets.

Closer inspection revealed that there was more to come.

By the following evening we had 7 out of 8 which is not a bad success rate for fertilised eggs

The kids are already up and about and performing to the crowds. Some wanted to check the nutrition figures on the egg box until somebody pointed out that they couldn't read.

I will miss Eva and Beyonce, the two worst leg bar "hens" in the world but they have left a wonderful legacy....

....hopefully all female.....please Lord not 7 cockrels!

 

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Chicken tomato plant bird bath horror!

Local Eco warrior Gabriella Birss and full time vegetarian and writer of books, had invested a lot of time and effort into supporting the planet and trying to grow her own tomatoes. She had gone up the road and purchased several plants from a local vendor to support her already full seedling trays, looking forward to a bumper summer harvest.

"I am supporting the planet and being environmentally friendly using no pesticides and helping the local economy as well as trying to become self sufficient." She said.

Police had to be called to the scene of the crime is morning.

Unfortunately large amounts of earth and compost had been thrown over the plants, in one case uprooting a plant completely

"I've never seen such agricultural carnage," said a local member of the constabulary. "We have takeley CSI on the job, the are currently taking fingerprints and foot casts in the surrounding area and we want any members of the public to come forward with any information that they may have."

"We will cordon off the area in an attempt to prevent further incidents." Said the Detective.

Later on a concerned citizen came forward and provided an anonymous tip on the hotline.

"So, I've i grass up the perp, I presume that I'll get a substantial reward. Of course I'm not in this for the money....although I am partial to some salmon......

The full might of the Herts and essex police teams rounded up the suspects.

The ringleader was said to be unrepentant.

"It's our land. We have been here for longer than those plants. It's like the land of our fore-mothers or something....this is sacred ground and belongs to us....our chicken rights are being infringed. We will fight on....even if we have to go in through the rhubarb."

Police wanted to talk to Gabi and inform her that the culprit had been reprehend end. Sadly a news report came to us that she did not come home last night. four winged assailants in balaclavas were seen ushering her into a poultry van outside the local cinema.

 

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time for a large erection.

Wife has ran off to French France for a week.

I just thought that if I had gone on the school trip from Saturday to Wednesday, I would have come back in time for my wife to leave.

Thursday was warm so I headed off to homebase and wickes to pick up some man ingredients to try to repair the damage that the winter winds had made to the Rose arbour.

Sadly the wind combined with the fact that the top heavy plants had weakened the rusting iron supports and keeled over ever so slightly in some places and snapped completely in others.

Invested in some serious spikes and posts and went to work.

At some stage I will actually have to cut the rest of the metal work out but for now I just thought....build round it.

 

 

Not necessarily a thing of great beauty but functional. might get the little uns to throw some green wood stain at it to make it blend in a bit more.

 

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How can you lose a plane?

Flight MH370 under the command of Captain Shah has been missing for almost a month.

In a world full of in flight technology and satelites covering every inch of the planet it is like a scenario from Lost. I suppose all satelites are trained on the Crimea as we speak and have less interest in their cycles over the Indian Ocean.

The lack of information has led to a myriad of press based stories all with a hint of technical possibility but never the less theory as to the alleged intentions of the to the possibility of rapid engine failure.

The black box, which is in fact orange, and all the other technology has failed to reveal the whereabouts of the airplane.

If/when the plane is found, the truth may never be fully known.

Meanwhile the media machine will constinue to spout theory after theory in the absence of fact.

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The Selfie.

From the original box brownie camera to the leaps and bounds made by Kodak developing film to the rapid advance in technology which means that every piece of technology from your phone to your food blender is capable of taking a picture.

Cameras have become digital, resolution is up to super-mega pixels so that we can take hundreds of pictures a day and send them round the world in seconds.

And now all of this advances in technology has left us with is the selfie.

The Selfie.

A photo you rake of yourself. Either by holding it at arms length and pointing it in your general direction, usually at a jaunty angle or by using a mirror in a dimly lit room to show your reflection.

Even Kim "please no publicity" Kardashian takes a selfie for more self promotion.

Even in public. Let's get friends to join in.

The Selfie is an act of class by a classy person as the fine example of womanhood, Nikki Minge.....or whatever her name is shows us here. I am impressed that Nikki shows us here an arse of planet like proportion and enjoys sharing it with the world.....or is it just a pathetic advert for her own brand of iPhone covers. Self publicity? Pan!

The selfie should of course be tasteful and artistic and not show a lack of class in any way.

Since celebrities support the selfless act of selfies shared with the world through the plethora of social media, it is only right that their devoted followers should follow their example of their beloved idols. Here, Justin Bieber shows his...errr...manly pecs and love of gaudy underwear and a worrying inability to tie his own trousers properly.

What next? ....celebrity selfies in onesies?

....damnit.....there's a website already...thank you 1D.

....and you wonder why the Chineese are raking over the world.

Help!

 

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