The Strawbs were right!

Strike!

It's that time again. The firemen have just has a four hour strike. And now we have teachers about to go on strike.

Our school is staying open but years 8,9 & 10 will be at home for the day. One of the students in my class suggested that she didn't think that teachers should be going on strike as we should be glad just to have a job.

Light blue touch paper and stand back.

"Really!" By Tuesday teachers will be hated round the country as parents find that they have to take time off work as for many parents we are not the providers of education for their children but a glorified baby sitting service for their kids. the kids who they don't want to look after for six weeks in the summer holidays. the kind of parents who will be calling tv and radio stations to say they don't know how to entertain their kids for six weeks and this is all the fault of the teachers rather than their own ability to act as educators and fun providers for their own kids.....just wait folks....once you get what you want....shorter summer holidays and the tour companies put an extra 20% on summer holiday prices because you ain't gonna get six weeks of flights into four weeks of holidays, you are going to complain about that and start taking your kids out of school so that you can go on a cheap holiday and then you are going to complain about the fines to do it.

electricity costs go up, gas costs go up petrol costs go up, food costs go up, everyone wants more from us and as we sit here with our miserly pay which doesn't go up any where near as much.

We are not appreciated by the government as if we fail to reach targets, it is all out fault and if we reach them the papers are too easy or the exams need to be changed.

We are not appreciated by the parents who think that they can do better than us but not one of them wants to come in and try.

We are not appreciated by the school who expect us to do more and more for less and less.

We are not appreciated by the students, many who have no expectations and can't see the need for an education knowing that they will get handouts for failing for the rest of their lives.

The fact that I need to go to work to provide the money that you get to keep you on the dole because you couldn't be bothered to study and appreciate the privilege of education that I give you and you will spend your time complaining that you don't get enough whilst I have to live to match my means.

Sometimes being ignorant can't be cured by education.

 

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Miley Cyrus, What have you done?

The world watched her performance at the VMA awards with their jaws on the floor.

Twerking. The act of shaking your ass in the close proximity to someone ore something else has "trended" I believe is the phrase or "gone viral"

The fact that she chose to do it half naked in a fletch coloured latex two piece made the whole thing even worse. Robin Thicke is already wearing the prison outfit should he dare to a rurally touch Miley's ass. The Americans seemed jolly happy with this outburst of thrusting. Do you remember how "outraged " we got on this side of the pond when JLO dared to go on BGT with thigh boots and a leotard with most of her body covered up! It was almost enough to make us drop our cucumber sandwiches.

Miley has since appeared naked atop a wrecking ball to promote her singing but is this just another case of a celebrity loosing the plot or doing anything for a cheap hit?

We are still watching the ongoing public breakdown and addiction of Lindsey Lohan as she staggers from drug fuelled party to missing court cases.

We have seen the all to public meltdown of Former Disney star Amanda Bynes who was brilliant as a child star with the Amanda show.

We watched as Britney drove with her baby on her lap and cut off her hair in a public cry for help.

We watch as Justin Bieber lurches from one poor decision to another.

The fact that a lot of these meltdowns occur as the former child stars gain their independence from the parents who have guided them into their millions and no longer hold sway over their decisions.

Twerking.

Today we see a royal princess Twerking in front of a stuffed grizzled bear in the papers. I imagine grandma will have something to say about that.

Fearne Cotton tried it but doesn't look convinced that it is the right thing to do. The panelist doesn't know where to look.

I believe that Gilbert Gottfried has moved things forward to Twogging which involves Twerking in front of your dog.

 

To be perfectly honest, the next stage will be to do it in front of their cat and so .....twatting will become the next craze.

Why do we want to do something that porn stars and lap dancers have been making money out of for ears and share it with the world.

Mind you. Twerking should not be taken on by everyone......

 

 

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Helen Flanagan - what is she ACTUALLY for?

Celebrity!

No that should be celebrity? Why do cameras follow this woman around? What does she do other than appear walking from nightclub to taxi that makes people want to tale more pictures of her walking from another nightclub to yet another taxi.

Helen now gets so confused about what is a nightclub and what is a taxi that she carries her drink from one to the other because for her, life is just one long party. Normally, ladies use a small compact mirror to apply their lipstick. Sadly Helen was unaware of the facial frosting that she had on....either that her minder had taken her for a couple of strawberry slushies before the evening started.

Helen does of course want to be a celebrity. She wants to be seen in public because she has no other talents. so can anyone explain why she attempts to hide from camera men because she has already called them to tell them which nightclub she will be at at three in the morning so why does she attempt to hide from them as they already know who she is. Headlines of "mystery woman" leaving nightclub would not give her the celebrity that she so craves so why hide dearie?

Again Helen, you ordered this taxi, The shout of "taxi for celebrity Helen Flanagan" may have given a clue to any passing cameramen who were unaware of your existence yet here we are hiding again. Is it because someone has dared to mention the Strawberry slushies and that you look like a 3 year old who has tried on her mums make up for the first time and ended up with a face that looks a bit "art nouveau?"

Also it's nice to know that Helen has bought a pair of £3000 Christian Louboutin boots....but do you have to find taxis in them every night dear? Better to have gone down to Brantano and bought a bunch of different shoes for each night so that you don't look like a dirty little stop out....shouldn't have blown your entire fashion budget on one item dear.

Helen is of course shy and retiring. "Who me?" says Helen to the response of "why have you squeezed those into a something two sizes too small?"

Helen also appears to have an on/off relationship with footballer Scott Sinclair. The football boyfriend is a must for anyone hoping to move from talentless celebrity to talentless WAG. Questions of her unfaithfulness need to be addressed as she appears to be wearing the morning after shirt of a Chicago Bear linebacker as she could find nothing else to his what little is left of her modesty.

Helen has also managed to put the death knell on what little career she thought she had by appearing on I'm a celebrity - get me out of here. You can see her reaction when she was informed that the jungle had neither nightclubs or taxis that she could walk between.

But wait! It's not all bad. Helen wants to be used as a role model for underprivileged kids. She is currently providing training courses on just exactly which clubs you need to walk out of, what is the best time to still get into the next days papers, how to perfect that look of shock as you realise that all the camera men that you have asked to be there are actually there to take your picture and not turn up at the World Health Organisation meeting across the street. Just in case she forgets, you can still see her crib notes/script behind her as a celebrity always needs to rehearse just how surprised she is when the cameras turn up!

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And here we see Helen in all her glory as she shows the world's press that she can think, (even though it's starting to hurt) and pout like a fish having firstly remembered NOT to go out for slushies first.

Schoolgirls! Put down those books and go hang about the playground looking for the lad who kicks the round thing better than anyone else, then let him buy you a slushie from the ice cream van before you stagger into your mum's Chelsea tractor screaming "No school photos."

Your work here is done!

 

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Traffic drugs and become a celebrity.

One of the two British women arrested for drug trafficking in Peru is to plead guilty after striking a deal that could see her walk free from prison in less than three years.

Melissa Reid and Michaella McCollum Connolly, both 20, were caught with £1.5 million worth of cocaine in their suitcases at Lima International Airport on August 6 and insisted they had been forced to carry the drugs.

Look at them. Don't they just look so happy. Like one of their cases has just gone missing on their Ryanair flight to Malaga.

Melissa has decided to strike a deal and say that "she done it" so she will have a three year sentence. Three years in Peru. Her folks won't be turning up for visiting every Sunday then? If she admits it then the other ones stuffed so she'll confess her sins as well. they will have a nice holiday in orange jump suits and come out and sell their stories, make a few bob and then live out sad, desperate lives doing the chat show circuit, release a book about "My Lima prison hell" and then go back to their drug fuelled party life in Spain.

If I was forced to do some drug trafficking, I would at least leave some evidence in a safe place, that I was being forced to do it at home before I got on a plane so my lawyers could use it to get Mr. Big.

Their accommodation looks quite nice. I've lived on oil rigs where the accommodation is just as cramped and source.

Looking at the photographs of them we can only assume that the authorities "took care" of the drug filled suit cases as they appear in the same clothes in every photo......by now they may smell a little bit.

Mellissa at least still has time to brush her hair straight and Michaella to put her hair into that stupid donut shape....if I well the Peruvian drug police....I would get a sniffer dog to have a look in there too.

It was also nice to read that strange men are already sending them mobile phone numbers so that they can speak to them whilst in prison and offers of marriage are coming in.

Trust me kids, if you want celebrity, big brother is a much safer option, although not as comfortable and it will FEEL longer than three years.

 

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FIFA World Cup corruption.

The growing groundswell of support for the removal of Qatar as hosts for the 2022 World Cup shows that Fifa has not got 2022 vision.

The double "blow" of the beautiful game going to firstly Russia and then Qatar suggests that then Fifa executives were given a greater quality of bribe from the Russian Oligarchs and the Oil rich Princes over a series of top quality dinners.

 

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Fifa wants to give football to the masses. Bring the game to South Korea and Japan to open the Asian market......I get it. Bring football to the shanty towns of South Africa, I get it. Bring it back to the samba beat of Brazil and the Copacabana beach.....I get it..........Russia and Qatar. No!

Fifa has a fleet of executives who's only job it is is to travel round the world on expenses accepting bribes in order to select a country to host the World Cup.

 

FIFA President Blatter said, as of 23 May 2011, that British newspaper The Sunday Times has agreed to bring its whistle-blowing source to meet senior FIFA officials, who will decide whether to order a new investigation into alleged World Cup bidding corruption. "[The Sunday Times] are happy, they agreed that they will bring this whistleblower here to Zurich and then we will have a discussion, an investigation of this," Blatter said.

Specifically, the whistleblower claims that FIFA executive committee members Issa Hayatou and Jacques Anouma were paid $1.5 million to vote for Qatar.The emirate's bid beat the United States in a final round of voting last December. Blatter did not rule out reopening the 2022 vote if corruption could be proved, but urged taking the matter "step by step." The FIFA president said his organization is "anxiously awaiting" more evidence before asking its ethics committee to examine allegations made in Britain's parliament in early May 2011. Qatar's success has been called into question since The Sunday Times submitted claims to a British lawmakers' inquiry into soccer governance, which included England's failed bid to win 2018 hosting rights. Lawmakers released claims by a former bid employee that Qatar agreed to pay members of FIFA's 24-man executive committee for their votes.

Forgetting the bribery that we need to actually "prove".... Shouldn't a couple of CIA types check the hidden bank accounts of the FIfa officials......can't be that hard. The fact that Qatar has temperatures of up to 40 degrees C. .... A fact that should have been obvious to FIFA had they not been accepting their huge bungs in heavily air conditioned hotel rooms.

"Oh....lets change the dates to Winter.....and thus expecting the entire world to change it's football seasons thanks to FIFA's corrupt mistake.

Lets think. "Does Qatar have a decent football team?" No because they have to play in excessive temperatures....well they would had their games not been played in the WINTER.

There are many reasons for a change in venue and not date.

Firstly America.The soccer hating Yanks, if they are to watch team USA....games will be up against the NFL Grid iron season and so will not get viewers on ESPN,thus sponsorship deals will plummet.

If we don't get to see things like the charming ladies of the Jacksonville Jaguars Cheerleading team (currently strutting their stuff at Fulham F.C.) then there is no God.

Secondly, Scotland under Gordon Strachan are a rapidly improving nation. Sending them to play in Qatar will cost the nation millions in sun cream and the entire team will DIE.

Thirdly Qatar is dry. No I mean no alcohol which in a hot country when on holiday is a ice way to spend when in between games.

As for Russia, I mean looking back at the Manc Chelsea Champions League final. Large country with expensive flights just to get in so travel costs would be horrendous and as for hoards of fans of 32 nations moving around......

Qatar a tiny country with hot temperatures, no alcohol, and not enough stadiums....they MIT as well have awarded the world cups to Monoco and Antartica.

Why not do the sensible thing and award the World Cup to country's who's economy needs help and give it to Greece so that money can be ploughed into improving the country.

I don't know about you but I predict exactly what will happen. Sepp Blatter will get one of his officials to admit that he fiddled his expenses, get a slap on the wrist and have to stay at home for a month. he whole process will be called into question, the result of the fixed ballot will be declared null and void and the corrupt FIFA executives will have to go on hastily arranged fact finding tours again to find a country capable of hosting the World Cup that isn't ....Er...... Hot.

Blatter will continue in his corrupt role as president of Fifa as he is like the Mafia's teflon don's ....nothing sticks.

Just watch this space people....it's coming!

 

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Child molesters in me chips!

How the newspaper has changed!
Remembering how the newspaper used to involved the delivery boy putting it through your letter box or the walk to the corners shop. Then the pleasure in reading yesterday's news.
We now live in a time where the news PAPER is almost redundant. It is no longer even found in the fish and chip shop as the outer layer keeping your fish supper warm. Some places will sell you a cone of chips with a newspaper print theme on the outside to make those of us of a certain age slightly nostalgic.

News must now be instant. Live feeds go direct to the t.v. or the laptop or even more scarily, your phone so you can find news anywhere.
All newspapers now come in online format and to be perfectly honest, I believe that the Daily mail provides the best forum.
Many newspapers want you to login and register for more in depth reporting so only give you a snippet of the actual news story.
The mail allows people to comment on the articles within the paper and based on this I wonder who actually reads the paper and feels the need to comment.
Do these people actually sit their in their drawing rooms shouting loudly (or grumbling at passing family members, that the news is either a) incorrect b) upsetting or c) down right blasphemous.
Readers can also comment on the comment by giving a red (dislike)or a green (like) vote.
Today is a quiet news day. How can it be a quiet news day when the online paper is full?
The headline story is a review on the filming of the new series of Downton Abbey by "Weekend Reporters" which hides in the Femail section of the paper. Downton. The jewel of UK t.v. Broadcasting, afloat in a sea of Big Brother, fly on the wall documentaries and repeats that it must be cherished and saved. They even give a nice little review of characters for those of us who don't watch the program but can only imagine that it is no more than a refilling of Gordon Jackson and Jean Marsh in Upstairs Downstairs....but in a bigger house....Mrs Bridges would be upset.

You drift onward to a story by Max Hastings about Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his commoner wife ( close to a story about Pippa and Kate Middleton, the Hogwarts years, to show how not much has changed with aristocracy)

Max obviously has an upcoming book to publish and so what better an opportunity than to write our own good review and remind all of our schoolchildren that history is full of facts and in Max's case, written in an engaging way that would encourage them to read and learn, if they could in fact be bothered to do so.

We drift on to a story about events in the civil war where the Whitehouse, yes THE Whitehouse was burned down as the Americans were celebrating expected victories in the civil war. This is all done below a mocked up photograph of a man looking like Prince William in full army gear walks charges AWAY from a picture of the Whitehouse exploding from The alien invasion film, Independence Day....so it' s justified.

The paper is filled with grumpy comments about how the Daily Mail is telling us things that the reader already knows, rather than informing him of things that he didn't. This fact probably means that the comment author is NOT a daily mail reader but has taken the time to comment and criticise before his Guardian pops through the letter box and he can relax to the theme of Desert Island discs.
IT'S A QUIET NEWSDAY PEOPLE!
If you want these stories banished to the "stuck on a flashdrive waiting for a quiet NEWSDAY pile" then you just might get your wish.
Coming out of the "European Comedy Routine" pages. Vladimir Putin shrugs and does an impression of Maurice Chevallier singing "thank heavens for little girls" as world leaders hang their heads in respect and fear.

If you don't like the no news day articles and want something else to rant about you might just get your wish as Syria takes centre stage in the world playground. All the other kids stand around screaming "Fight Fight" as the UK thinks that they shouldn't help the little kid as they are also currently fighting in two other corners of the playground, America thinks that it will fight anyway because the little kids look up to them with their large, moist, tear stained eyes and Russia is selling knuckledusters to all the school bullies and is willing to show everyone how to use them.
Be careful, what you wish for.

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PRINCESS DIANA MURDER!

Oh don't we all just love a good old bit of intrigue?

Diana. Royalty! Mother! Lover! National icon!

Mohammed al Fayed was at pains to tell us all for years that there was a conspiracy but we just wouldn't listen.

Chased by press photographers, hounded to drive the car fast as they tried to escape through the Tunnels of Paris, sadly it ended in tragedy.

Saturdays Daily Mail had the story that a motorcycle with two people clad in black were responsible for the deaths.

I do love the fact that if any of these facts were in fact true, that they would not have been a major part of any investigation....and followed up by checking little things like traffic camera footage.....you don't even need NCIS to check these things..........

Police would like to interview several suspects........

 

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Egyptian population plummets.

Amidst the unrest in the Middle East, death and destruction everywhere, news that there has been no births in Cairo for the last few days at starting to concern.

Pregnant women are going pat their due date with no sign of an imminent birth. Medical experts say that they are baffled by this.

Scientists have been dumbfounded by the worrying statistic and are also unable to find any clues as to the cause.

Military sources say that they too have no idea as to why his might be. They haven't really given it much thought as they are more concerned as to the increased amounts of spying from within their borders.

Images sent out last night show the culprit behind bars.

Egypt's newest Skyfall recruit is none other than a stork that was captured as it appeared to be carrying an electronic device.

"We take spying within our borders very seriously." said Major Mohammed Al Jazeera to newspapers last night. So much so ha hey have also removed any gooseberry bushes across the country.

"It looks like a tracking device" said the reporter from the Daily Mail.

"That's just what they want us to think" said the Major.

Meanwhile back in London, M was debating disavowing he unnamed stork and Q was concerned that another 3 million pounds of spyware had fallen into enemy hands.

 

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