Why is a lack of common sense of the school child blamed on the teacher?
If schools were OFSTED measured on GCSEs in Common Sense the many if us would be in special measures.
Let me share my last lesson before Xmas with you.
" ...are you going back to Scotland for Xmas sir?"
"He can't....it's too far away...."
"....anyway there's a river in the way..."
"What's the river called....oh yes...The Thames.
"Is Liverpool in Wales?
...too stunned to speak, I picked up a child's planner, turned to a map of North west Europe to show how near Scotland was from London........
"Look there's Ireland."
"That's not Ireland....it's Denmark."
"But it's green."
"Is Luxembourg a country?"
"Are Spain and Portugal the same place?"
"Look there's the Netherlands....that's where Peter Pan lives....."
Now this descent into educational hell took only three minutes....and I have only selected some of the choicest bits.
Whilst Mr Gove may have great plans for Education which sadly teachers do not share, children are still in many cases, laws unto themselves.
I add to this the work of comedian Dave Mitchell who replies to Mr Goves comments on the upcoming centenary date of the start of the Great War.
'Goveadder': the education secretary meets his fate in the trenches
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Michael Gove has really hit the ground running since Christmas. Just over a week ago he made a startling attempt, in advance of the centenary of the outbreak of the first world war, to redefine the conclusions the nation has painstakingly come to about the conflict. After glancingly conceding that "the war was, of course, an unspeakable tragedy", he went on to dispute many of the ways in which it has conventionally been deemed tragic.
Illustration by David Foldvari.He condemned the widely held view that the prosecution of the war was "a series of catastrophic mistakes perpetrated by an out-of-touch elite" as the misrepresentation and myth-making of "dramas such as Oh! What a Lovely War, The Monocled Mutineer and Blackadder" and "left-wing academics" such as Sir Richard Evans, regius professor of history at Cambridge. In fact, he denounced Sir Richard's views as "more reflective of the attitude of an undergraduate cynic playing to the gallery in a Cambridge Footlights revue rather than a sober academic contributing to a proper historical debate". A dismissive comparison indeed coming from a man who thinksBlackadder is a drama.
Evans himself, Tony Robinson and shadow education secretaryTristram Hunt all returned fire and even Margaret Macmillan, a historian praised by Gove, responded coolly saying: "You take your fans where you get them, I guess… but he is mistaking myths for rival interpretations of history." Meanwhile, a fellow Tory member of the government said that "Michael should get back in his box".
Gove's arguments are all over the place. He makes a reasonable case for Britain's decision to go to war being an acceptable response to German aggression – but establishing the justness of the war is hardly a refutation of those who claim it was incompetently waged. His only response to them is to cite the "new light" that Professor Gary Sheffield of Wolverhampton University has cast on Field Marshal Haig, revealing him to be "a patriotic leader grappling honestly with the new complexities of industrial warfare" – as I recall, it wasn't Haig's patriotism or honesty that was the problem – and the fact that military historian William Philpott has "recast [the Battle of the Somme] as a precursor of allied victory". Well, it's certainly a precursor in the sense that it happened first.
But Gove's main point – and he's far too intelligent not to know that it's just naked trouble-making – is that the lefties who question Britain's conduct display "an unhappy compulsion… to denigrate virtues such as patriotism, honour and courage". So, by criticising the British generals, you do down the private soldiers. By emphasising the uncontrollable slaughter, you deride honour and courage. That's the "ambiguous attitude to this country" displayed by Blackadder Goes Forth, he's saying. Those pinkos at the BBC have ruined everything again, turning glorious and honourable victory into snide and spiteful disparagement of righteous authority. So argues our secretary of state for education. To hear him, you'd think the Germans had won.
Fortunately, Gove's senior aides are working on a remake of Blackadderthat is more respectful to his take on what he calls "our nation's story".
A British first world war dugout, July 1918. Captain Goveadder enters. Private Baldrick is cowering under a bunk bed.
Goveadder What are you doing under there, Baldrick?
Baldrick Taking comfort from the fact that this is a just war, sir.
Goveadder I hope the discordant note of irony I thought I detected in that remark was merely an illusion brought about by the constant shellfire.
Baldrick Oh yes, sir! Anyway, I have a cunning plan to avoid dying in this war.
Goveadder Oh dear, Baldrick, why would you want that? What an unhappy compulsion you have to denigrate patriotism, honour and courage. I sense you're a Labour voter.
Baldrick The franchise has yet to be extended to the likes of me, sir.
Goveadder I didn't know you were a woman!
Baldrick I'm not, sir. Many working-class men still don't have the vote, which is why this war is such a splendid and rare opportunity, not yet afforded in the ballot box, for us lot to root for the western liberal order.
Goveadder Careful, private!
Baldrick Stop reading irony into things, sir! And you still haven't heard my cunning survival plan.
Goveadder Go on then and you'd better make it establishmentarian.
Baldrick It's to obey the generals' orders and all will be well because they know best, sir.
General Melchett enters.
Goveadder Speak of the devil.
Melchett At every christening! Quite right, Goveadder. Make the godparents denounce him and all his works, that's what I say. We're a God-fearing lot, we British. Just look at our island story – God-fearing for centuries till the lefties briefly ruined it. Such a shame.
Goveadder Damn those future lefties, sir. It's almost enough to make you hope we lose the war so they won't be able to abuse the freedom and democracy we're all definitely consciously fighting for.
Baldrick That's certainly what I'm definitely consciously fighting for! And to suggest otherwise is exactly the same as saying it's funny and trivial that I'll probably die.
Melchett Unlike the Germans – they're definitely consciously fighting for expansionist militarism in the same vast numbers that we're definitely consciously fighting for freedom and loveliness.
Goveadder Never before in human history have ethical and national divides coincided so uncannily.
Melchett Yes, it's as unprecedented as the horrific industrialised nature of the seemingly endless slaughter we're currently trapped in.
Goveadder That sounds a bit cynical, sir. I never had you down as one of those Cambridge Footlights types.
Melchett Oh yes! Back in the 90s, I made a great hit with a sketch questioning the beneficial effects of European colonisation of Africa and another about a vicar who couldn't stop breaking wind, both of which I'm incredibly ashamed of now, of course.
Baldrick farts. They all laugh.
Melchett Now, this regiment goes over the top tomorrow and there's every chance you'll both get shot. I'm sorry about that.
Goveadder If so, sir, I'm sure any concerns I have that my colossal personal sacrifice has achieved nothing will be assuaged by the thought that future academics will re-evaluate this supposed "waste" as being a vital component of the western powers' ultimate attritional victory.
Baldrick Speaking for myself, I shall be thinking of our great ally, who's as liberal as he is western, the tsar of Russia.
Goveadder Should you not be thinking of our own king and emperor, George V, personification of near democracy?
Baldrick I would do, sir, but he and the tsar look so alike and I'll have more in common with the tsar.
Melchett Why's that, private?
Baldrick Cos he's just got shot as well.
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