You've just got to love stupid people.... dontcha?

I do love hearing about stupid people.

 

I have a colleague at work who was explaining to students a variety of different levels of stupidity.

 

The woman who bought her Winnebago and whilst driving in cruise control.....decided to go back into the kitchen and make herself a cup of coffee. You'll never guess what happened! .........And at the end of all that she sued the manufacturers because she wasn't told that she couldn't actually do that.......trouble was....she won and got a settlement.

 

The rest of us have to suffer the "idiot labels" that accompany most things that are made these days.

 

Do not put this plastic bag over your head as it may cause suffocation ........ May seem like a fair warning.... To be perfectly honest, for anyone over the age of 5 who can read.....putting the plastic bag over your head is done by people who really don't deserve to leave a carbon footprint or to be able to contribute further to the gene pool.

I write this blog-let as I was "amused" by the article in today's Daily Mail.

I imagine her husband was glad to be out of that relationship. I mean what did she think a divorce was? Anyone who does not have the ability to read a dictionary does not deserve a husband. Did she confuse " a divorce" with " a onesie?"

 

I love the other little line where a woman filed for divorce because her husband ate peas with bread! my God. the man should be taken out and shot....divorce isn't good enough for the likes of him.

Help!

 

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Dear god what next?

Yet another reason why Onesies are bad. I relise that the English language evolves but the fact that in the last two years it has given us the onesie and the selfie.........Why is our language now aimed specifically at people of the intelligence quotient less than the average two year old...If Babesy wabesy wants mumsy wumsy to get her a onesie bunsy and take a selfie welfie......the noël cowardice wowardie will roll over in his gravesy.

What was this pregnant woman thinking of?

Woman gives birth in the leg of her onesie in King’s College hospital car park

Monday 6 Jan 2014 11:01 am

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A 21-year-old woman gave birth while still in her onesie (Picture: PA)

Onesies are not only good for relaxing in on a Sunday morning but also for giving newborns a safe and comfortable place to arrive in this world.

One new mother was left stunned when her baby couldn’t wait for the hospital bed and instead arrived into the leg of her all-in-one suit.

Jessica Wynter, 21, from Streatham in south London, said: ‘The onesie saved my baby’s life.’

If it hadn’t had been for her full body pyjamas little Kye would have popped right out and hit the pavement in the car park, she said.

The graphic design student told The Sun (£): ‘If I’d not been wearing it I don’t think Kye would have survived. It was incredibly lucky.’

It was all so quick that 6lb 5oz Kye was found wedged inside the leg of the garment which had cushioned the fall.

Ms Wynter’s mother Christine, 48, said: ‘Within seconds of getting out of the car Jessica screamed, “He’s here!” I ran to her and, sure enough, heard a baby crying.

‘I undid the zip of her onesie and there he was, tucked up safely in the garment’s leg. If she hadn’t had it on I dread to think what might have happened. It was really scary stuff.’

Doctors rushed to Jessica’s aid and took both her and her new son into hospital on a stretcher where Kye was found to be healthy.

The onesie has now been washed and will be a keepsake for the family .

Bizarre, Wow

1836

Woman gives birth in the leg of her onesie in King’s College hospital car park

Monday 6 Jan 2014 11:01 am

1836

A 21-year-old woman gave birth while still in her onesie (Picture: PA)

Onesies are not only good for relaxing in on a Sunday morning but also for giving newborns a safe and comfortable place to arrive in this world.

One new mother was left stunned when her baby couldn’t wait for the hospital bed and instead arrived into the leg of her all-in-one suit.

Jessica Wynter, 21, from Streatham in south London, said: ‘The onesie saved my baby’s life.’

If it hadn’t had been for her full body pyjamas little Kye would have popped right out and hit the pavement in the car park, she said.

The graphic design student told The Sun (£): ‘If I’d not been wearing it I don’t think Kye would have survived. It was incredibly lucky.’

It was all so quick that 6lb 5oz Kye was found wedged inside the leg of the garment which had cushioned the fall.

Ms Wynter’s mother Christine, 48, said: ‘Within seconds of getting out of the car Jessica screamed, “He’s here!” I ran to her and, sure enough, heard a baby crying.

‘I undid the zip of her onesie and there he was, tucked up safely in the garment’s leg. If she hadn’t had it on I dread to think what might have happened. It was really scary stuff.’

Doctors rushed to Jessica’s aid and took both her and her new son into hospital on a stretcher where Kye was found to be healthy.

The onesie has now been washed and will be a keepsake for the family .

Bizarre, Wow

1836

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Bah humbug!

I've never really been a Christmas person. The older I get the worse I become. Now, when school finishes, the two weeks should provide an oasis in amidst a sea of scholastic turmoil. It doesn't.

I never like the time as I can't really do anything constructive outside, in the garden where I am more at home. At the moment a sizeable chunk of my garden is under the water as the water from nearby fields pours onto my property. this won't be sorted out until the summer when I need to get a digger and a load of drains laid.

The rest of my garden has turned into a muddy quagmire as the combination of chickens and rain (well cared for chickens thanks to my sister in law Averil.) have turned everything I to a brown mess.

The wind has taken care of the rest. My rose arches have been blown down and need to be rebuilt.

All this needing to be resolved at a time when the weather is wet, cold and very, very damp and on the occasion frosty.

With this years Xmas, I hate the fact that with Christmas and new year in the middle of the week! there is never time to actually enjoy Xmas? you need to spend the first weekend doing last minute shopping, Xmas is three days of nothing constructive followed by the weekend of spending and returns! followed by the anticlimax of new Year, why we celebrate the clock turning round I will never understand. we don't actuLly go whoop de do, my car has just done 100,000 miles....birthdays are just one more yrear where you have failed to live up to your dreams and you have less time to actually do the things that you always wanted to do.

Bah humbug will always be my version of Xmas.

Maybe Ebenezer and the grinch had it right.

Kids moaning about the Christmas presents that they didn't get as churches get emptier and emptier and people forget what we are supposed to be celebrating in the first place.

Bah humbug!

 

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Keeping up with the Kim's.

I think that the media are missing out big time here the fact that Miss Kardashian and the leader of North Korea decided to go skiing...neither on the same mountain range or on the same day gives the media the opportunity to link the two Kim's together

I think that we need to go further. If Keeping up with the Kardashians wants to keep viewing figures high then get rid of Khloe and Kourtney...I mean khloe is going through a painful divorce from Lamar the 9 foot tall basketball star and rather than have Kim k bogged down in baby nappy stories...

...let's get "at home with the Kim's as the new tv vehicle for them both"

Imagine the scene in the Kim household in North Korea as miss k arrives with an entourage. "How's the family?" He enquiries.

"causing problems as usual."

"would you like me to have some of my men remove them quietly and shoot them and dispose of the bodies?"

"Not at the moment but if you could have Lamar taken out that might perk my sister up a bit."

Dear Fox or MTV, trust me , I think I am onto a winner.

 

...I'll take 20% of all royalties......

 

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It's panto season.....oh no it isn't

Its nearly here!

My second panto as an author.....actor and this time director.........

From the first week of my summer holidays recovering from my time in hospital to looking forward to the dress rehearsal in a weeks time.

It's coming together....slowly...like most things it would be nice if we all had our scripts down to make things easier....a bit like this car is heading for the Cliff...I'd better read the how to drive manual...whilst the last minute thing works well for TV...it doesn't do the directors heart much good.

Were still laughing....hopefully this will translate to the audience.

I still need to wire up the body drop and fix up the flying seagull and the chocolate backdrop and then were there with the effects.

Get your tickets now. Don't want to be stuck at the back incase you miss a euphemism or two.

 

Come on team....we've nearly got a show!

 

 

 

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The joys of parenthood.

Wissymint!

I can see you heading for the thesaurus as we speak but no need to. One of the joys of parenthood is that your children pronounce words incorrectly but the new word subsequently became part of Birss family common parlance....

...like scoover. The predictive text hates this but obviously if you need to put a screw in the wall you need a scoover. We even made up a song about it. Great to sing when you are three...or a father.

The one word that we never found out the meaning of was callacalo. We don't know what it means but according to Gabi it's not Cinderella!

Bethany was equally creative. In order to have a bath-ez you gave to take off your clothe-ees, words that we still use within the confines of our house.

Gabi with her 2.1 in Creative writing and her recent competition winning publication of short stories. I wonder if she will be writing a short story about a builder who uses wissymint to join bricks together!!

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The Roger Benzie Tournament

As long time in the planning, the Squad managed to gather at Strikers in the bridge of Don....all except Jerry who turned up at Goals just for comedy value and a sound ribbing.

The above photo shows the teams after the game. I would like to point out that there is no photo trickery involved here....all the tops are in fact the same size!!!

Grampian Police turned up thinking that a flare had been thrown onto the pitch as visibility was difficult and the spectators eyes were watering. It turned out to be the excessive amount of ralgex that was required just together some of these aging joints going.

In some cases JD Sports football top section had taken a big hit the morning of the game.

Boots had declared a national shortage of tubigrip and neoprene bandages.

Aberdeen Royal Infirmary had put an entire wing on standby and off duty ambulance crews were called back from holidays.

With big Zoggy looking like the Finzean Fellaini, the Blues kicked off against the reds. The clock had barely registered when Keith limped off having pulled an unspecified part of his anatomy.

Obviously the choice of beach shorts had provided insufficient protection to his weary muscles.

An early victory for Rogers team was followed by a draw between the orange and red teams. At this point Ray Winston's face appeared above the pitch and said put your house on the blues.

Ray was a bit early with pronouncement as the blues went down to an embarrassing defeat. Even more embarrassing was the shout of "nuts" as the ball shot between zoggys legs? There was a momentary silence before the event was greeted with the disrespect it deserved. Would Rog break the leg of the man who had shamed him?.....no it only took 90 seconds before roger had returned the favour.

Further controversy came on the awarding of a penalty to team Orange. Small children were steamrolled out of the way. "I'll be fine" said a wee voice later on with a quiver in his voice and a tear in his eye.

A victory for the blues in the last game would have guaranteed them victory but the Oranges streaked to an unexpected win.

The final whistle went and it was all over. For many it had been over after the first whistle blew.

Spectators compared the game to a game of table football where the ball moves around and the players rock back and forth in the same place.

After the game it was rumoured that Rogers sterling performance had got Far East Scouts interested and a possible move to Ho Chi Min Thistle was in the offing.

I enjoyed the Craic of the day.

It was very refreshing to be up a gainst players who enjoyed teasing you gently with the ball and then whipping it away at pace. Thanks lads.

Apparently Strikers were unwilling to take a booking for Rogers 60th due to astronomical insurance costs.

After the BBQ, Jerry announced that he was going home. Police were later called to a house in Westhill as he tried to climb in through a window shouting that his key didn't work........

 

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