Five,four,three,two onesie.....

Bethany has gone. Nothing disastrous, just off on tour with the choir to France for five days.

"I need some more crop tops dad". ...... otherwise known as t-shirts that are two short! Again why do we need these things. T-shirt should be something that you can wear under a shirt or leave rebelliously untucked.

Can't see the need for them myself.

Along with 3/4 length shorts. The clue here is in the name. Shorts. They are... How shall I put it....short. To wear along short is a contradiction in terms. Were they designed by the idiot who came up with the idea for rolling one trouser leg up and selling these to the cattle that walk through the high street stores. I check this morning and every morning, that both my legs are the same length and so can't see any need to have a pair of trousers like that. What happens if you did have one leg shorter than the others? Do they make lefties and righties? Help.

Whilst in the middle of Primark, classy shopper that I am - nothing wrong with Primark. If you get a stain on something, get a stain on a £3.00 T-shirt rather than a £20.00 I say. Tshirts same material, same printing. At a rock concert £20.00 to have a picture of your fave band and tour dates that you will only ever wear to other concerts V.s the 5/6 Primark t-shirts that you can buy and dispose of at your leisure.....ah age is catching up with you if you agree.

Dad, look! they're nice, I can just see you in....

 

ONSIE HELL PEOPLE!

Does any self respecting man wear a onesie? Are they just things that people buy as presents for other people that they "think" they will like and by doing so, show that they have no idea who their alleged friends are and should be excluded instantly from your social circle. Things like Willy warmers, edible underwear and anything that comes from a joke shop.

Reader, I had to step back and hold onto a nearby bargain/sale item rail to stop myself from collapse. superman, batman, animal onesies.

"But dad, you would look good in one of these."

Was I wrong? Did I need to investigate further and gain a balanced viewpoint. I moved tentatively forward in case anyone thought that I was going to pick one up and run to the changing room.

I looked at the little cardboard label hanging at the front, not wanting to actually touch it.

"Suitable for festivals"

What! I have watched the odd moment of Glastonbury as today's youff clamour through country fields that look like the Somme battlefield in their designer Wellies and do not think that a onesie either offers waterproof protection during the endless hours of rain, or is the kind of attire that I would require to be in should there be 80 degree heat.

Ok so it's not the practical use that you need a onesie for at a festival. The only reason to wear it is because the manufacturers suggest that YOU should wear it and you go with the expectation that like the emperors new clothes, you don't want to be the only one there without.

I believe that onesie is basically sleeping attire. If the great and the good festival goers turn up in their silk pyjamas and a smoking jacket to get down with the music of today then perhaps.

Who goes to festivals? Well Kate Moss to watch I suppose, I see her most years trying hard to pretend that she's not interested in being photographed but will still end up in the tabloids by virtue of the fact that she is a walking coat hanger. Who goes to festivals to perform? Well Sir Mick Jagger (happy belated 79th Sir)

Here's my benchmark. Should both of these two turn up next year in onesies then I shall put one on the bottom of my Xmas wish list on amazon.

 

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