We don't want a heat wave. We're British. We don't do heat waves at this point the more mature amongst us wipe a tear from our eye as we remember the summer of 76 when Denis Howell became the UKs one and only minister of drought.
Weather over thirty for consecutive days. Weather so good that even Victor Meldrew wouldn't believe it.
The sky is blue and the grass is brown, making parts of the UK look like Spain. Fires are appearing due to the dryness of the grass and the lack of water.
The BBC and other news are providing weather warnings for us as we are in fact so stupid that we do not know how to handle the large glowing orb in the sky. Are we like the cast of Independence Day or War of the Worlds, so stunned by the awe and wonder of what we see above us that we stand and stare just too long before we realise that we are in serious trouble.
Claims that at the last count, 650 people had died in heat related incidents. We go on holiday each year to countries where there is a sun in the sky, so why do we act so weird when the sun appears here?
.....the problem is we don't
There are groups amongst us who behave the same home and away. We have bemoaned about the drink culture that now is prevalent in our society. Watching how the streets of our cities turn into a battle zone of wounded warriors littering the streets in the early hours of the morning, listening to their cries for help in the no-mans land between the nightclub and the relative safety of home.
With the thermometer hitting 32, there was a report on the radio that said holidays abroad were down 20%. Well there is a nice surprise.
Last minute bookings will be down because the weather is good so we don't need to go abroad for that nice brown tan. We can stay at home and watch our skin turn red and peel instead.
Long term bookings are down because corporate greed has decreed that the gas, electricity, petrol, shopping and just about every other thing that you need to live for 50 weeks a year has been sucked from your wallet so it doesn't really leave much for the other two.
That doesn't stop some Brits. I use the word Brits here to denote a certain type of people. Think about it. are you British, or are you a Brit? British - history- proud-nation-pageantry-Nelson-Dunkirk Spirit. Or are you a Brit- pop culture-monosyllabic--Eastenders-live now type of person?
Brits abroad is now a phrase that defines a generation.
The British would go on expeditions to the colonies and the Commonwealth bring civilisation round the globe ( ok we'll skip over the exploitation for industrial gain bit) whereas Brits go on holiday for one or two weeks to get drunk and pull.
For some people this is the same behaviour as at home but now it's with shorts and a t-shirt on....hopefully!
Marmaris is now the centre of attention for the Brits abroad who have brought their new low standards to a different culture and rather than respect that culture we piss and puke and bleed all over it.
We have move from Costa Del Sol to Ibiza to Corfu, Faliraki and countless others looking for anywhere we can get an English breakfast, denoted by the Union Jack prevalent at the front of countless establishments to attract the poor Brit who is unable to embrace a different culture and later to the loud pub or nightclub where we can drink more cheap booze than we can physically handle.
After two summers of great sporting success, Brits are leading the way in Europe again.
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